They say that what you are worrying about now, won’t matter in a few months, a year or even five years. I remember in 2012 having my first intense experience with depression and suicide, and now, in 2018, it’s only worse.
I remember in 2012 having an intense experience with depression and suicide. In that year, I had my first severe struggle with depression and suicide. I was having difficulty with friendships, family, self-esteem, school, and everything else in between, and I had written a letter ready for the end. At that period of time, I recall the concept of what is worrying you now, what even matter in a few years. It was something I kept in the back of my mind, and I believe it was a factor into why I stayed. However, all those factors I was having trouble with then, have only escalated.
So it is easy to say and even believe that what you are worrying about now, won’t matter in a few years. I was in a vulnerable and dangerous situation, where I wanted to believe that there was going to be a better life. And I am grateful that the intention of the quote, in some way kept me here, but it also created a false sense of hope. A belief that I will someday be depressed, anxious, and suicidal free, however, it’s far from it. I only interpreted the saying differently than I probably should of, and I can’t be the only one in this type of situation.
Creating a false sense of hope in considerably dangerous for those who have a mental illness, as it can increase uncertainty if not fulfilled. For me in particular, those around me thought I would only need a few psychologist appointments and a couple of months on anti-depressants to be mentally well again. One year and four months later, I’m continuing to see my psychologist regularly and doubled my medication, and still can’t tell if I’m any better.
I remember in 2012, worrying about my mental health and thinking about it getting worse as the years went on. Five years on and those ideas only became a reality. If anything this situation has taught me the importance of addressing problems early on. Instead, I let it continue to the stage where it controlled my life, and now I’m taking the time to get control of my life back.
I’m changing the saying to “What You Are Worrying About Now, Won’t Matter in a Few Years If You Take Action Over It Now.” And maybe I will be able to interpret the meaning more substantiality.
This post is part of a series where I will be reflecting back to my younger self, and how my mental illness developed.