Over two months and nine blog posts later and we are at the end.
I started this series not knowing why my anxiety and depression are the way they are. Not understanding how and why the terrible small factors of my childhood, built up and blasted in my adolescence into severe mental illnesses. In particular how one person ruined my life, just before it even began.
Do I forgive him?
No, because I’m stuck with frequent psychology appointments, taking anti-depressants, failing classes, being unemployable, incredibly low self-confidence, having a severe anxiety disorder, dealing with major depression, and worse of all, I’m stuck with his voice in my head. All the things he would say to me, are being told to myself, by myself in my head.
I have been continuously asking “why?” Why was I put in an abusive environment? I was only a little innocent girl, I had not done anything wrong, yet I still endured the agony and pain.I don’t want
I don’t want the individual to have this power and authority over me anymore; I can’t do anything in the past, all I can do now is my very best to get better, to override the past 20 years of neglect and anguish and learn to love and trust myself. It will take a decent amount of time to do so; I have to make up for 20 years.
The hardest part of all of this is that he will have no idea of any of it. The reasoning for him not knowing is because he would deny it, distinguish it, and make fun of it. This isn’t to say that one day he might stumble upon this site and discover everything, but he most definitely won’t be hearing it from me.
The best part of all of this is that I will never put myself in the same situation again. I will know when I am taken advantaged off. I will know when I am not being treated with respect. And lastly I will know when to save myself from any danger.
This is the last part of the series My Mental Illness & My Younger Self, check out the entire ten-part series!